Everything seemed normal on that warm summer morning in San Jose. After my morning walk with my neighbor, I came back to read the paper. After about ten minutes the telephone rang. I said, "Hello" but heard no answer. I hung up; it rang again and no answer. This happen ed three times and the fourth time, getting irritated, I switched the receiver to my left ear and said "Hello," ready to chew someone out for hanging up on me.
"Why do you keep hanging up on me?" the voice on the other end said. I then realized that I could hear nothing in my right ear. I screamed, "I'm deaf! I can't hear you!"
Shaking, I called my doctor to see if he could see me right way. I asked a friend to drive me there. The doctor checked me over and could find no infection or any reason for my deafness and referred me to the ear, nose and throat specialist. At the specialist’s office, the next day I was given an audio test and examination. He could find no cause. He gave me prescriptions for steroids and antibiotics and scheduled me for an MRI at the hospital. After the MRI I went back to him and he told me he could find no cause for my deafness so he referred me to a neurologist. The neurologist examined me and ordered an MRA at the hospital. Again I was told that they could find nothing; I felt as if I were going crazy. I was scheduled for another audio test and the diagnosis was I was “profoundly deaf” in my right20ear. The doctor said it was permanent and didn’t know why, but said it may have been a stroke.
This was such a shock to me because 20 years before I had suffered a broken ear drum in my left ear and lost fifty percent of my hearing. I could not understand most speech on the telephone and had difficulty with people who spoke fast, in a low voice, or with an accent.
The next day I was scheduled to teach a class for my enrolled agent association. I went ahead and gave my talk, but could not answer any questions of the students.
That afternoon I attended a meeting where I was totally lost, because I could not hear what was being discussed. I couldn’t understand anyone standing more than a foot away from me. Having run my own Tax Court representation/paralegal-tax preparation business for 20 years, I had expected to work another 10 years, but now I felt it was impossible to keep working without being able to understand telephone conversations. More than 70 percent of my business is conducted over th e telephone and it is important that I understand names, numbers and information which are passed on to me.
The doctor put me on disability. I kept praying and felt that God would restore my hearing as quickly as he had taken it from me. A month went by and my hearing was not restored. I took all the medications prescribed, but there was no improvement. I researched everything I could put my hands on regarding sudden hearing loss. I discovered a stigma associated with hearing loss, although 4,000 Americans suddenly lose their hearing every year. It is common for people to consider a person “slow” or “ignorant“.
I became extremely depressed, feeling I would be disabled for the rest of my life. I was so low I thought about committing suicide.
One day Alex Kozned called me. He must have realized how down I was. The Kozneds had a ministry, Aurora Communications International, Inc., which is a Christian ministry geared to broadcast the gospel to Russia from Alaska. The company had acquired acreage on the Kenai=2 0Peninsula in Alaska and was in the process of preparing a building for setting up the broadcasting equipment. For 10 years I had been handling their legal and accounting problems as a ministry to them.
Alex asked, “Would you like to go to Alaska to see the project?”
I was very amazed and curious. I had never been to Alaska and I couldn't work so I might just as well go. Even my ENT specialist thought it was a good idea, and said maybe my ears would pop and I would get my hearing back on the flight. Alex and his wife, Nadia, made and paid for all the arrangements for me to fly from San Francisco, to Seattle, to Anchorage, to Kenai.
Alex drove me to the site of the project on the Kenai peninsula and when we came to the entrance, there was a big granite rock. He told me that this was "The Holy Land". Removing my shoes I stood by the rock and he took my picture. I felt like Moses when God told him to remove his shoes because he was entering holy ground.
The project was surprisingly large. The property was on a bluff overlooking Cook Inlet. Standing on the pad, where the structure was to be built, I could see the majestic snow-capped mountains on the other side of the inlet. The air was clear and the ocean waves rolled gently toward the shore.20It was a place of complete peace. I sat and meditated, admiring God's handiwork in nature and saw eagles soaring skyward and swooping down to catch fish and flying back and forth from their nests to the water.
It brought to mind Isiah 40:31: "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not be faint."
I prayed and asked God, "Why have I lost my hearing?" I wanted to work for You and now I am "disabled" and cannot be able to do anything worthwhile. My business would have to be closed. What good was I? I might as well be dead.”
A peaceful feeling came over me as if the Lord had passed his shadow over me. In my heart, I felt He said, "You can be my missionary to Alaska or wherever I send you. The doors are already open. You don't need perfect hearing. My grace is sufficient for you."
Ashamed of my negative thoughts, I confessed to the Lord my sin of unbelief. I realized that God is with us even when he does not heal us. He has said he would not leave us nor forsake us. The Apostle Paul had a thorn in the flesh which was not healed. We cannot expect that G od will heal us of every malady which comes our way.
I came home from Alaska rejuvenated, even though nothing had changed as far as my hearing was concerned. A miracle had taken place within me. The plane ride did not cause my ears to pop and open up, but shortly thereafter a hearing aid specialist was able to fit me with a cross-over apparatus which could be worn in my right ear and which would magnify the sound to my left ear. It took a little time to get used to the sounds and the interference when I walked through electric doors or worked near certain electronic equipment, computers, etc., but I was able to return to work part time. I still have trouble hearing on the telephone, but I feel it is God’s will.